WARNING: The following are symptoms of twilightoma! These are indicators only and may mask deeper more serious issues. Consequently, if you experience any of these symptoms you may need to consult with your physician IMMEDIATELY!SAFE HARBOR STATEMENT: These statements are not a reflection of the opinion of the original author of this blog but merely suggests an opinion of an interested and passionate contributor.
TOP SIGNS/SYMPTOMS THAT YOUR WIFE MAY HAVE TWILIGHTOMA:
-Your wife begins to stay out late at night and says she’s going ‘shopping’.
-She wants to book a family vacation to Forks, Washington.
-You find your wife gnawing on a piece of raw steak.
-She begins to call you ‘Edward’.
-You find her hanging upside-down on your ceiling.
-She wants a “piggy back” ride all the time.
-At night she nags you about giving you a hickey.
TREATMENT:
-When she leaves for the night to go 'shopping', cancel your credit card.
-When you find out about the vacation to Forks, WA buy her a one way ticket.
-If you find your wife gnawing on a piece of raw steak, pause and then proceed to hurl.
-If she calls you ‘Edward’ call her ‘Angelina’.
-If you find her hanging upside down on the ceiling tell her to replace the light bulb in the ceiling fan while she's up there.
-If she wants a “piggy back” ride remind her that you are not a beast of burden.
-If she nags you about a hickey, let her do it.
DISCLAIMER: This is in no way, shape, or form a reflection of the beliefs of the author of this blog. Contributors to this blog are exempt of any and all consequences that may result from the actions of any family members who decides to implement any one of these recommended treatments. As mentioned previously, a consultation with your family physician and maybe even your spiritual leader will be necessary to remedy any one of these ailments.
5 comments:
Oh no, I think I need to make a few phone calls!! :)
Okay, that cracked me up. A bit too real though. I'll give the remedies a try today. Except when she calls me Edward, I'll call her Carmen.
:) Too funny! :)
This is so funny. TJ & I watch the movie on Saturday and I must say, it wasn't too bad. However, TJ & I couldn't stop laughing at the scene where Edward watches her sleep because we kept thinking about what Greg wrote about the Twilight Zone.
This was great. I couldn't decide if the symptoms or the remedies were funnier. I didn't get the piggy back ride part though. Am I going to have to watch the movie? And Greg, who's Carmen?
Mom
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